Profound confidence in one’s self is a matter of internal clarity before it has anything to do with comfort. It’s an easy mistake to bind the two….
The sun drops below the lip, source of light falling beyond horizon’s edge. It’s about five in the evening.
As the sunlight drops and the shadows move from long to expansive, so the temperature drops as well. It will drop below zero tonight.
I walk the fence, feet skiffing across frozen dirt, brushing aside ice-crusted grass stands. The german shepherd pads alongside me and the horses watch with curious glances between nose-in-the-snow snack hunting.
It’s quiet out here.
The snow makes the king’s share of the noise, between horse huffs and dog pants. The wind brushes the trees at times. A peaceful sort of symphony.
I can appreciate this because of the contrast. Other moments of chaos and cacophony make the quiet more precious. The busy life in cities around the world turns the dial up on the profound sensations of being in the countryside, sunset snow drifts included.
…The construction of your foundational sovereignty based on anything that resembles comfort and ease is a recipe for instability. We build on the solid bedrock of deep awareness and as much hard work as is needed. The comfort and the ease are happy byproducts…
I’m at the end of the pasture, past which is many hundred acres of forest that connects up to many thousands. It’s approaching the temperature where inhales freeze nose hairs and the soft skin around my eyes is the only place I can get any sense of how cold it actually is; the rest of my exposed flesh has decided to stop sending status reports.
I’m not exactly sure why I walked out here, bundled enough but just barely, as the last light fades. Glancing back reveals small house with a warm glow in the windows. But something draws my attention to the wild.
The dog seems minimally concerned. The horses have nearly zero shits to give. All indicators say the coast is clear and the world is right and safe for the moment. Yet I’m standing here in the snow watching my breath curl around imaginary columns as it rises into the winter air.
…Sometimes we venture to the edges of our domain in search of what we carry inside. We move to where the pattern of our life rarely extends so that we can better see the things we carry within us all of the time, unnoticed. Why? Because it’s easy to habitualize what works. But growth comes from dynamic adaptation…
Maybe I’m chasing ghosts?
Maybe I’m losing my mind?
Maybe I’m just walking my homestead like a king surveying the land and there’s nothing to see here; only my presence needed from time to time to assert ownership.
Maybe it doesn’t matter so long as the pattern is broken and the awareness is kept high and abundant. Little choices to maintain and optimize that which opens the most doors.
I look down to the shepherd.
She looks up at me with tongue hanging.
We hold eye contact for a time.
The horses have made their way over to check my pockets for snacks and scrounge the ground for traces of grass while I’m here to keep them safe.
Something settles into me and I feel the world slide into rightness again. It’s nearly dark now but what little light moves from sky or house is enough to brighten the edges of everything and I can see clearer now. My internal sight is also refreshed by the brisk walk.
The dog senses a completion and with a head nod and a yip she rallies back to the house. I smile and my body relaxes back to physicality after a visit to the higher layers of my being.
…It will not always be comfortable first and foremost, but the things that make us feel most alive are often not. We are the explorers and frontier-seekers of a universe seeking complexity. The apex of universal evolution complete with consciousness and personal identity. It is our purpose to move through discomfort and into greater truth…
From the foundation up,
These are the moments that set us free.