You don’t have to give up your success and excitement to have peace, but there’s a choice to make…
I’m sitting on this rock, my refuge from the bustle of a world that doesn’t seem to have space for the particular kind of success I’m aiming for; sitting under the sparse clouds with Juniper to my back and a small river chortling in front of me.
I’m sitting on this rock where my cell phone doesn’t have signal and I can see one house about a mile away on the cliff, still and silent itself giving no indication of life inside; surrounded otherwise by expansive wilderness that connects directly up to even more wilderness.
I’m sitting here because I realized something, or likely I always knew and I just hadn’t admitted it to myself. I came to this sacred place on the inhabited edge of the wild because I need a break. I need support. I need a reset from the only thing on this planet that has a proven record of getting me back into my own seat.
And what I admitted to myself is that this last 15 months has been extreme for me.
Not in the sense that anything major happened. Nothing catastrophic.
But I did what psychologists and therapist generally advise against. I changed a lot of things at once. Lifestyle, location, climate, immediate social network, diet, romantic relationship, demographic exposure, paradigm view, and work commitments.
Nomadic to Stationary.
Global to San Diego.
Seasons to -definitely not-.
International to Californian.
Omnivore to majority vegan.
Solo non-monogamous to partnered.
Multicultural to very Cali Spiritual.
My paradigm shifted to include insights into global dynamics and foundational systems awareness, and I spent the better part of a year doing research in all sort of subjects or assisting others doing that research. Sliding into integral, full speed.
And it wasn’t all tea and crumpets.
Or even coffee and cookies for my US friends.
There were extremely rough parts stemming from difficult social dynamics to financial pressure and everything in between. The rock solid self I had known got beat the fuck up and battered, and something else settled into the primary seat.
I’m sitting on this rock, outside of a town in the only environment that has ever fully spoken to my soul where a very dear friend of mine lives. She has known me for something like seven years, and she knows me well. She’s met my parents, my family, my trees, my friends. She’s seen me in all sorts of situations.
She asked me yesterday if I was ok with a concerned look on her face. And I realized, I’m not 100%. But I’m not doing poorly either. And in that moment I told her I wasn’t ok. That I had some recuperation to do.
I’ve essentially undergone a lot of trauma and developed a real sense of anxiety, which is not normal for me.
But I want to share this because there’s something else I know.
I know how to move through adversity. I know how to re-establish foundational strength. I know how to track and measure progress. I know a number of coping mechanisms and strength building exercises. I have the tools to repair the trauma and end the anxiety.
I sit on this rock as part of that tool set.
I place myself here because it is essential for my health.
I know I’m not 100% yet, I feel it in my system, but I will be soon.
And that choice, the one that gets you personal refuge inside of yourself? The one that brings you closer to ease even amidst the storm of a busy life?
It’s the choice to make space for yourself and be willing to occupy it. It’s also the choice to humble yourself in the face of a much bigger universe, and see what boils to the surface.
And then, just like me, you move through it. One step at a time.
It might not even look like anxiety. It might look like apathy, or frustration. It might look like your life is fucking awesome but at the end of the day you’re not sure what to do with yourself. it might look like working all of the time because you don’t know what else to do. it might look like thinking that your comfort and success now is dependent on an endless game of hustle and that you don’t get a break, and you don’t get to feel peaceful.
It might look like any number of things that isn’t 100%.
And you get to choose if you want to live that way, slightly frazzled and on the edge, or if you are ready to choose something else.
And you get to choose if you ask for help, or go it alone.
I choose help.
I have a rock solid crew of humans that gets me and supports me. I have a loving partner that stands by my side. I have tools and practices that recharge me.
If you don’t have any of these, and you want them, maybe I can help you.
So that you know without a doubt where you stand, who you are, and how to move through this wild world.
That’s the gift I want to give my people, and it’s an honor to do my own work beside you.