You’re a dear dear soul and I do miss our talks. I think often of them but things have shifted for the better and I expect to be back at the Raven’s Den soon enough.
I no longer look back to that time as a wishful vision. So much has occurred! I set out so many times in my life on a mission to find a piece of me by exploring the world. I tried it in so many ways. You know the stories: settling into a house, hitting the open roads of travel, building businesses, exploring relationships… so many ways I’ve tried to expand and grow and always I got stuck. Every time I ended up in a place where the thing I had created was on sand, and the vision further than I expected. I cannot possibly imagine where I would be had I not walked down that snow-covered path, smelling the vanilla bark of the ponderosas on the breeze. Who would I even be? The same tired woman resigned to nothing and all of the toil at once? When the conversations we had ceased to be idealistic visions in my heart and became functional blueprints in my mind, I knew that we had created something. But I can see your sly grin and slightly cocked head. You’re right. I created something.
You stood there, walked there, and lived there in complete support of me and my process with no attachment to what it was that I was finding. Or finding again. I’m not even convinced you care much for the specifics of what I created, so long as I created them in complete alignment with my own inner fire, with my own soul, to the tune of my own frequency.
All models are wrong, you said often, but some are useful.
I cannot thank you enough for giving me the things I needed to excel without attachment to which ones I took. And what have I created? Something completely in line with my soul and frequency, as you are no doubt pleased to hear.
It was daunting at first. You asked me to step into my own self and gave me a totem that held me to that. It wasn’t easy. I surely fucked up a few times along the way.
There was a time when I even couldn’t bear to wear her. It was as if she was constantly nagging me. Energetically and literally it felt uncomfortable and I didn’t know how to step up so I put her away. For a time that felt better. I felt free. I felt autonomous. I felt like maybe my Relic was pushing me instead of helping. But it eventually became clear that it was exactly as you said: The totem, though powerful, was not doing the work, I was. And therefore the totem was not nagging at me, I was.
When I realized that something shifted. Something changed and I put her back on. I realized the nagging was not nagging at all but actually urging. A bridge from my Soul to my Self. From the bigger “we” to the avatar I am being in this human game.
My relic became a compass.
With pressure and discomfort I knew I was off course. Off alignment. When it felt easy and the sight of her on my hand was empowering I knew I was in the flow.
We danced like this for a time. Big swings. I wanted to leave her in the drawer a few times but I knew that to do so was just to avoid myself. So I stuck with it.
All of the things I told you I wanted to create, the business and the home space have come true. I’ve got a steady flow of clients. I don’t think anyone does for them what I can do and I cannot help but pass on gratitude to you for giving me what I needed to be that. Ideas and innovations have flowed out of me like a waterfall. I’ve even taken on some assistants. They’re capable and determined and they can handle what I give them. Extensions of my own will until they find their own; and mark my words, when they feel the calling to that I will be sending them to you.
I think details would be besides the point even though I want to tell you of everything that has happened since I left the Raven’s Den with my Relic. Suffice to say, you would be proud of me, and I know this because I am proud of me.
Your commitment to igniting the inner fire in others has been a blessing I cannot thank you for enough. I can sense that my time with this totem is coming to an end. Perhaps it’s time for another visit, the next great adventure, and a bit of an upgrade.
With fondest wishes of good coffee and great adventures,
-Sarah the Alchemist