I’ve been in this process of integrating two seemingly disconnected worlds together.
The first one existed all of my teen years and more than half of my 20s. It was a period of time defined by intuitive action. By doing only exactly what felt on some deeper level to be the “right move”.
From a larger scale of planning my projects and economic efforts, right down to what I ate and where I traveled. It was an age of mysticism and trust.
The second world is that of entrepreneur business and economics.
To be fair, I’d been “self employed” since university, but it wasn’t until the last three or four years that I really put all-in on learning the systems, strategies, and methods of solo entrepreneurial business.
Now, if things had gone story-book right, the first would have been characterized by freedom of movement, carefree wandering, lots of good experiences, and probably not very much money.
While the second would be the sit down and buckle in, make some serious cash and advance through the ranks of the economic elite.
But it went a little sideways.
Turns out I made MORE money in the business world than the mystical one as you’d expect, but I had more economic freedom in the first.
Economic freedom is characterized by the ability to do what you want to do with money, not by HOW MUCH money you have.
As well, looking at the whole journey from the perspective of “incomes of any sort” the mystical world was far more abundant.
Essentially, I was kicking more ass as a mystic explorer.
So, when this recent shift in the game slid into view, both my own and the game at large, I found myself reflecting on where I’d been. And I didn’t like what I saw.
That triggered a full conscious and energetic exit.
Three years of focusing on economic achievement twenty-four seven was over.
And a lot of what I was doing simply won’t fly anymore.
Not in my strategy and not in my soul will I entertain it.
Which of course makes a person reflect and consider.
What I found is that each world has a value. Each side has useful parts, useful tools, useful strategies… and each side has toxic elements, careless risks, and a limited scope.
What’s also true is that the business route put me perilously close to some very poisonous elements of our society.
The power of the business journey was in scope.
Through my persistence I moved through a lot of layers of society and the world in general. I found and studied a considerable survey of how business works, which required interaction with layers of finance, current news, cultural shifts, politics… it drew me into the back-side of how social media functions, and exposed the mechanism of all economic activity on the internet.
In my time journeying through business I saw the nuts and bolts of a massive element of society that I had willfully ignored.
We can say in simple terms that the thing I gained most from that experience was insight into what the rest of the world was up to when I was in the mystic world previously.
On the other hand, I did not escape unscathed.
Moving through that world brought me dangerously immersed into the full force of social media manipulation.
Focusing mostly on the organic marketing side of online business, I was on social media for at least six hours a day. Often twice that. My devices, my days, and my work was optimized around using those platforms. And my mind and energetic body suffered for it.
There’s a perverse level of manipulation that occurs in that world, and it is very difficult to play without being burned. Most of the people still playing do not even realize the full scope of what it is costing them.
Luckily, I had learned a few things before I went in from my mystical paths.
Early in high school I developed a willfulness that put me exactly wherever I wanted to be. In contrast to the business world, I had previously sworn off money in as many ways as possible. Only dealing with it on a need-to-touch basis.
While this might sound limiting, in conjunction with a high degree of intuition, it was logic defying in accomplishment. I experienced more things in ten years than most people do in a lifetime.
I focused my personal study and skill building in bodily tasks. Craft and building. I participated in communities that encouraged autonomy and expression. I found loopholes in the world-systems that ran the show to get free plane tickets and access to some of the greatest experiences of my life.
This world was characterized by very little long-term strategy, but an extremely high degree of “tuning in”.
The result: everything from computer building to horseback archery. Free concerts to round-the-world trips living well on relatively no money. Friends and relationships in amazing places characterized by authenticity and a high degree of social learning.
What I had created was an ability to tap into the undercurrents of society. And on the swift flow of those hidden rivers I saw the world.
But there is of course a downside.
I found my ability to create sustained impact and service in the world to be limited. I wasn’t tapped into the mega non profits of the world, nor did I have a powerful network. Which is to say that despite knowing many dozens of people well and being connected to hundreds, there was a limit of scale to what I could create in the world.
When my appetites grew for greater service and impact, I simply didn’t have the access.
This is where the transition to business came.
It was necessary that I learn to play with economics if I wanted to touch that scale. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the forethought to bring my intuitive powers of manifestation with me in a direct way.
I felt I would need to “learn how it works” before I could do so. This lead to a lot of studying other people’s methods, and mirroring their techniques. Combined with the heavy inclusion of social media, the trap was set.
I set aside the mystic powers just long enough to forget I had them.
And the process of studying and immersing created a perceived paradigm that essentially hid my own strength from me. By the time I needed to step back and integrate, I didn’t even know I wasn’t already doing it. To be fair, I was still significantly more tapped in than most of the folks I was helping, and a big contract with a long lost friend put me back in touch with that hidden part of me just enough to wake him up… but ultimately I lost touch with large parts of myself.
And that’s the risk.
In intuitive ways of being, I was tapping into who I was. Into the sensors and information that my self gathered. Into the local universe information that my energy field engaged with. It was HIGHLY relevant information coming in that when faced with a high level of discernment, created clear and obvious paths to success.
On the other hand, I entered into the economic game with an assumption that there was an easy and obvious mechanism at place. One that I could learn and employ before lunch.
But this placed me dangerously within reach of much bigger mechanisms.
Social media platforms are economically free to the user but what you pay is far more valuable. Awareness and attention are fundamental and vital to mental sovereignty and freedom, but we hand them over without even reading the fine print.
It took me the last three years to explore as many corners
Of that world as I could before I realized I was going in the wrong direction
Before I realized I’d left my greatest strength behind
Before I hit a wall and the successes no longer
Rolled over cleanly to the next leap.
Stuck in the mud.
But there’s a lovely thing about where in my body that intuition and manifest power sits: that moment I was actually stuck and frustrated reignited my stubborn determination and lit a fire in the old coals of that mystic self.
If you’ve been watching, you’ve seen that process.
It looked like a lot of thrashing. And probably a bit childish at times.
I went Jesus in the temple, flipping merchant tables and hitting the defilers of that sacred space with branches. I burned a few bridges, declared war on some key elements to (destructive) marketing dynamics, and essentially stepped back into my mysticism. Back into my intuitive self.
It wasn’t pretty, but I don’t regret it.
That process began back in Late February, 2018, and extended until late August.
I didn’t realize in the process what was actually happening. Like most people watching, I felt I was witnessing a pointless thrashing. Frustration pouring out erratically. I was fooled just as everyone else into thinking that this was just a tantrum of sorts, despite the fact that I was the one doing it. Seemingly outside of my own control. But what has become intimately clear is that something else entirely was happening.
The mystic in me was waking up from a slumber,
To find his house had been desecrated,
And he had some work to do.
That realization hit and carried through the last five weeks. September has been a time of extensive consumption of the sort of ideas that promote discernment and insight of self and sovereignty. Meta-knowing that is beyond paradigm and propaganda. It has been characterized by powerful projects in emergent systems and a new form of networking.
I’ve written over 100k words, read three books, and reformatted my entire social space.
A big part of that was a rewilding, which for me has been a remembering.
In the previous chapters I was an avid outdoorsman. I certified in wilderness immersion and became a capable and ethical hunter. I developed a level of physical self sufficiency, along with a clear and high level of mental and emotional freedom.
I’d done my homework.
And that part of me had found one of the most powerful things a person can have access to: the wilderness.
Despite our technology and our economics, we are still in the infancy of abstracting ourselves out of the natural world.
And because of that, we are still very much connected to the rock and trees of our earth home.
In my exploration of the business world I set that aside. I put down the mantle of wilderness ranger and bought a nice button-up shirt. But what I forgot was that the mantle wasn’t what made me a man of the wild, it was just for keeping the rain off.
What defines me as mystic and yeoman is in my soul.
The thrashing tantrum that characterized the better part of this year was that soul awakening. A remembering, and a clearing of energy no longer useful.
Like a fever burns off a virus.
I was in a process of healing.
At the realization of that I found myself uncontrollably drawn to “catching up” on what I’d neglected. Reading the ideas of people who understood what I’d just gone through. Studying the thoughts of those that understood something I only just felt.
Exploring what I’d need for the next chapter of integration.
And a big part of that has been to go back to the woods that are my home.
As we stand here, early October and my favorite season,
I feel this integration process coming to completion.
The temple is cleared of impostors.
The cave is cleaned of clutter.
My mind feels calm and clear,
And there’s a stillness in my bones
That I have not felt for years.
Going forward I reject the broken systems of my journey through economics, but I also release the limitations of my previous self.
From the business I take my newfound awareness of the landscape, albeit still limited, and my extensive understanding of how I will and will not operate in the economic world. I bring a rich and powerful network of amazing humans that I am honored to call friends and allies.
And into my deeper self as a mystic I integrate all of this to create a new way of seeing, and being. Not a paradigm to be stuck in but a constant expansion into the space between paradigms. Always endevouring to take what is true, discard what is toxic, and expand as a part of this universe.
And I bring that back to my core self like a tribesman returned from a long and difficult saga fraught with peril and achievement; with stories, scars, and a bright sparkle in his eye.